RSS Feed

Don’t Be a Raging Bitch & Other Advice I Give Myself

Since I am not a Guru, I don’t have all the answers. I live mostly by trial-and-error and benefit from a city full of examples of how I do, and don’t, want to live. Here is some of the advice I’ve given myself along the way. Let me know if it helps you too.

“Don’t be a raging bitch” is advice I sometimes have to give myself. PMS is the real cause at times (not a great excuse, but it’s a reality nonetheless) but at other times I am just cranky, hungry, tired, stressed out or nervous and need to remind myself not to scream and whine at my husband just because he said hello in the morning before I’ve stumbled out of bed. True story. I’m not proud. The thing is, I do tell myself these things, and I listen. I make a real effort to be a sane and useful human every single day. Some people don’t even do that. If you’re one of those people, stop being a raging bitch. Just stop. You don’t have “haters.” It’s not “you against the world.” The world is busy. Get busy too or go be a raging bitch in private. Note: If you do have “haters” than consider how this advice could remedy that. Also, stop saying “haters.”

“Don’t mask dislike or jealousy with “LOL.” Oooooh…social networking. You think you’re so clever with your “pages” and your “likes” and your massive amounts of “friends.” Well, you are. The problem with you being so popular is how we sometimes communicate on sites like Facebook & Twitter. The thing I’ve caught myself doing recently is kind of embarrassing if I were the sort of person to feel embarrassed. I’ve done it, and maybe you’ve done it too. Ever read (or write) something like this in response to a status message?

“OMG, you’re on vacation AGAIN! Morocco this time? That must be really nice for you! Isn’t it just so great that you’re rich and can afford all that time off? Guess your boss isn’t pissed you’ll be gone for 3 weeks this time either. LOL!”

Does the “LOL” at the end really mask the obvious jealousy and disdain in that comment? Does it make it OK just because the “LOL” implies it was all said in jest? Maybe Lucy Travelpants works hard for her money, saved 6 months for this trip, regularly volunteers and has an evil boss she deserves a major break from. Or maybe she doesn’t. Either way, it’s not fair to assume anything based on a status message. We never know what’s really going on in anyone’s life unless they post every little thing at all times. (That’s a whole other issue.) If you’re not truly happy for someone you otherwise care about, just don’t type anything. I’ve slapped my own hands quite a few times on this issue. Don’t tell me I’m alone on this one!

“Stop reading and start doing.” This advice is not at all for everyone. In fact, I’m not sure how many of you will be able to relate to me on this one. (I’m excited to find out!) I don’t read self-help books. The reason why is not because I don’t think they are absolutely incredible. There are millions many enlightening, intelligent and inspirational books out there with oodles of information and techniques inside that we could all use to change our lives for the better. I’ve bought some of them. The reason I don’t read them is this: when I read a self-help book I feel accomplished. My thoughts go something like this: 

“I have a problem/quirk/decision and I’ve taken the necessary step to seek help from this awesome book. I’m so proud of myself! This book was a stroke of genius! I don’t feel alone about this anymore either! Go ME!”

The problem is, I am so damn proud of myself for being self-aware and seeking out help that I usually don’t ever fix my real problem. I just bask in the glory of having acknowledged it. The words don’t really sink in until I actually take some sort of action beyond soaking up the knowledge the book has given me. (Side note: I am the same way with inspirational quotes. I read one and think, “Wow, that is so perfect and smart and speaking directly to me right this moment!” and then I just move on. I’ve never read “Carpe Diem” and found myself jumping off the couch to seize the day, if ya know what I mean.) This is not to say I won’t ever read a self-help book, it’s just that for a long while now my approach has been to make an intelligent guess and just try something and fail if it doesn’t work…then try again. I trust my intuition whenever possible. I also surround myself with smart and caring friends & family who make good suggestions. I have to have quite a bit of courage for this to work, and that part is not often easy. I can’t lie to myself either, and pretend I’m getting better/learning/growing when I’m not. Again, not easy. This may not be a good idea if you’re looking to do something dangerous that you haven’t spent any time researching or your problem needs medical attention. For me, however, this approach is actually working out so far. When it stops working I’ll be looking for the kind of book that says, “Now put the book down and go do  __________ before you self destruct” at the end of each chapter. If that doesn’t exist you’re going to have to help me write it.

Thoughts? What advice do you give yourself?

Advertisements

9 responses »

  1. Pingback: A Home Remedy for Depression « Mommy Theorist

  2. I totes need this advice today. Lack of sleep and a heat advisory has made me a raging bitch. Trying to breathe in nice fumes.

    Reply
  3. Hmmm….sounds very familiar. You got me thinking how LOL is totally misused – as a defense mechanism. LOL. Something I will think about and feel proud of acknowledging…of course, I won’t stop there. Acknowledging doesn’t mean a thing without action…though if we don’t feel proud of that acknowledgment, sometimes the action never occurs.

    I often tell myself that “it’s not the end of the world” or “take it one step at a time”. I tend to get overwhelmed easily, and I know it’s because I LET myself. Sometimes I do it just so I can hear the boyfriend say “it’s going to be okay” and I get the comforting hug. Often I feel if I let myself freak out “I don’t have enough time!”, “How will I ever change the world?!” (seriously).

    …maybe I should pingback on this too. I apparently have lots to say!

    Thanks.

    Reply
  4. Jhon Centurri

    Sometimes an LOL is REALLY just an LOL. We don’t always UNDERSTAND the intention behind it. Just because we may perceive it to be snarky, doesn’t mean it is intended that way. It’s all about perception and what we think about ourselves.

    Reply
    • Yep, there are always exceptions. I’ve been known to actually guffaw at my computer screen while typing “LOL.” Just needed to remind myself to not be snarky sometimes too…it happens. 😉

      Reply
  5. I DO so enjoy your blogs. “You don’t have haters” made me snort. With laughter, not cocaine. Just to clarify.

    The advice I OUGHT to give myself is “Don’t reply to blogs at 2am when you can’t sleep.”

    Reply
  6. I should totally take all this advice….. some day. When I feel like getting up. Do self help blogs count as books?

    Reply

Share your thoughts...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: