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Relationships: No one knows anything, not even you.

The topic bringing me out of blog hibernation is the one I end up talking about most with just about everyone…even strangers. (A taxi driver said I have a “trustworthy face.”)  It’s relationships. I have been married for 7 years, together something like 10 (I’m not one of those people who remembers dates well and/or I didn’t care much about keeping a calendar or a job in my 20’s.) I did not have a ton of relationships before my husband, but enough. Keep in mind I’m not your guru. So, here’s my not-so-expert advice on love, break-ups and more. Questions? Leave ’em in the comments.

Finding “the one:” I personally believe that this term is a bit pervasive. I am not sure everyone has a single “other” out there just waiting for them. Maybe we all have multiple “ones” who become present at times in our lives when we have lessons we need to learn from that particular relationship. If you’ve ever discovered an all-important piece of yourself during a now past relationship, this may speak to you. This doesn’t mean you can’t spend the rest of your life with one person, just that maybe you went through a few very important, not-at-all-waste-of-time relationships before doing so. Chew on that.  

If you do believe in “the one,” know this: You have to let yourself meet new people somehow. Get fixed up. Go online. Say yes to a date, give that one person a chance already, whatever. That is step one. Then, know this about the one: This person is not your type. Might be your type immediately before changing overnight. Might have bad hair. May not make enough money. Might forget to compliment you. Might over compliment you. Might seem pushy. Might seem weak. May have a tattoo of Ralph Wiggum (actually, awesome!) Might be too smart or not smart enough. Do you see where I’m going with this? If you do not take some REAL TIME out of your busy facebooking/texting/talking about yourself schedule and get to know this fool you have NO idea what the hell you’re talking about. You don’t know someone from a first impression. Not even from a first date. Not from what your co-worker/bff/Grandma told you about them. You can be with someone for YEARS and never really know them. Read that sentence twice. Unless you’re a psychic, give love a chance before you claim it “isn’t right” and waltz back onto e-harmony. I don’t care how many relationships you’ve been in or dates you’ve been on (or for the love of Gawd, how many damn relationship-help books you’ve read) you do NOT know everything, and can’t even trust yourself until you’ve put some time in. Length of time is up to you…but tell me 2 weeks and I’ll laugh in your face. If you feel like you have some weird self-imposed deadline and two weeks is “too long to waste on anyone,” you’re betting on miracles and really only making this harder on yourself. Good luck getting to work in this traffic on your unicorn tomorrow too.

When it isn’t right: If you’re ever feeling unsafe or in danger. EVER. Any physical or emotional abuse is unacceptable 100% of the time. If this is a grey area for you, you’re not damaged, you just need to seek help. Whatever has happened in your life to make you feel like you are not worthy of better or that this behavior is normal has led you to this. There is a healthier option and you deserve it. If you’re the abuser, you also need help. You’re not ready to be with anyone. Another shocker? It’s not right if either the sex or the conversation is not working. They both have to, sorry. They can have their challenges or quiet times and still be “working,” but if you feel like you can’t stand the sound of his/her voice but can jump into bed without a care in the world, it’s just not gonna last (and vice versa.) If your core beliefs do not match up. What does that mean? Oh, you know. You worship mother earth and he wants to cut down the rain forest. She believes in monogamy and you’re doing everything in your power to make her feel like a prude for not wanting weekly three-somes. You have to attend his or her church and believe everything they believe, or don’t believe. If you want to change more things about them then you’re willing to admit.  IF YOU’RE CHANGING FOR THEM. It’s cool to want to learn new things from a relationship, like suddenly becoming a basketball fan and getting excited about your first live game. But, ever leave a relationship and later realize you never have the urge to watch basketball again ever ever ever? You don’t need to mold yourself to every single relationship. Ever dye your hair blonde and grow it out because they love women with long blonde hair and later look back on pictures of yourself feeling like you don’t even know that person? On the flip side, some adjustments are welcome (try watching his/her fave movie, did you have fun? ok cool. NO? you tried. try something else…) but changes in too many of your likes/dislikes or core beliefs are just making you less of who you are and therefore the relationship is less as well. Relationships take two whole people. We don’t complete each other. We hold each others hands.

Maintaining a relationship: Hooray, you are with someone. Now, cut the crap. It’s nothing like the movies, and the folks who say it is for them haven’t switched over to horror flick – or worse, silent film –  yet. (Or they care so much about being judged they can’t be honest. Sad.) Relationships are work, marriage makes the work legal. The paycheck is every day you wake up and either look at this person snoring and say, “Oh yea, I’m still in this” or just get excited to see them when they swing by with stale chinese food and a movie you’ve seen 7 times. There are DEFINITELY amazing, mind-blowing, crazy romantic times that would make any blockbuster rom-com jealous, but this is not an always thing. Imagine sharing space, thoughts, money or time with ANYONE for years on end. It’s not all gonna be glitter and spring time. The term “honeymoon period” should probably exist for you, though, at some point. If you’ve never had that, for example: all fighting and make-up sex from day 1…maybe this is not a relationship worth maintaining. You should feel at some point your heart is bursting, and then later that you can comfortably leave the bathroom door open when you pee. You’re welcome.

Break-ups: First things first, don’t reinvent yourself every time a relationship ends. So many people are extreme in this sense. They either think it was more the other person not being a good fit, or that something is wrong with themselves. You may not even know you do this. Signs point to a sudden urge for physical changes  that can be as simple as a haircut or as dramatic as going from goth to prep. Signs also include thinking you suddenly need your Doctorate degree, you should get rid of your pet snake, quit your job or move across the country. In the first few months after a break-up, try to avoid any of these things. Be yourself by yourself in this critical time. If you’re not in love with what you see when you are alone with yourself after some time, that should be investigated. Talk to someone. Consider that your feelings may be hurt but ultimately you like yourself. If not, dig into that. Discover what’s behind that before you pack your bags or buy that 6 month class called “Cooking with Ghee.” When this is said and done, think about what this relationship taught you. I guarantee you found out one new thing you now know you want, or don’t want, out of love or existence. You’re winning now, no matter how much it still hurts.  You also do not have to explain your break-up to anyone. It’s your business only if you want it to be.  As far as hope for the future, this part is tricky. You may doubt it will ever work out with anyone ever again. Let me be the first to tell you, you are wrong. Unless you’re not quite human, another human will be a fit. We’re made to experience love. The only person who can guarantee you never find love again is you.

The ultimate truth: You have to know who you are, what you want, and also be ready to accept that these things too can change. It’s the paradox of it all. It’s a balance that can seem impossible. Sometimes you grow apart.  Couples find themselves wondering if they should make it work or walk away. Like everything else, don’t take this lightly. Trust your gut when you can, your therapist when you can’t. It’s not usually helpful to gather opinions from everyone you know. It may feel comforting to do so, but ultimately your own heart and brain will come together to decide what’s next for you. If this has been a good relationship and you still care for this person, really put the time in before making any firm decisions. Maybe you imagined a future with someone that you no longer want for yourself (or them.) Maybe you’ve become such a new person your beliefs and habits no longer compliment each other or bring sadness, guilt or pain into the relationship. Perhaps it was never right and you’ve only just started admitting that to yourself. Love is a comforting and dangerous thing in this way. Whether right or wrong, be honest as much as possible with yourself and your partner and you’ll both find your way.

TIPS:

  • Don’t cheat. Reality: your excuses come off as pathetic. I’m not saying that you don’t have a ton of valid excuses in your mind, I’m just saying that you look like an idiot explaining them…especially if your actions have hurt a decent person. (If your excuse is that they cheated first, say that out loud to hear how dumb it sounds first before running that by anyone else. I’m just trying to help you here.) Consider this before you cheat: Do you not have an ounce of respect for your partner to bring up issues in the relationship that may make you want to stray before you let yourself be woo’d by the shiny new thing that seems much better? I say “seems better” because remember, we don’t know anyone completely, so good luck. Do you think the person you’ve cheated on is too weak to hear the bad things you have to say, or even to hear that you want to sleep with someone else, and you’re too afraid to hurt them? That is an excuse made by the weak. You are the one lacking courage and bravery. You’re afraid. Don’t lie to yourself and say you’re protecting them. Your reasons for cheating could include being too drunk and not realizing it was going too far, forming a bond so close with someone else that you didn’t think that was still possible for you after all this time, feeling the “spark” you felt at 19 all over again, believing you’re smarter/better/hotter than your partner and this new person is the match for you, falling out of love with your partner, your partner does not treat you well or even hurts you, and lastly…boredom. The thing is, none of those excuses are actually OK! Really! I’m not saying you are the devil and not worthy of forgiveness, sometimes a mistake is a mistake. I won’t even judge your partner for forgiving you. Your relationship is your business and I don’t know what’s in their heart anymore than the next gal. I don’t even hold my friends to these high of standards because I know it all sounds easier said than done. But please just stop pretending your cheating is justified. Everyone has seen what cheating does to the person being cheated on (and sometimes the KIDS), and only after months or years of hurting (or reconciliation because you finally TALKED and have gotten to the real problem) can some folks, not all, say you actually did them a favor. Cheated before? Don’t feel like I just beat you up, just think about what made you do it. The wrong relationship is a reason just as much as being young and naive or selfishness is. Just know that if you want to continue cheating in all of your relationships, maybe you don’t need a relationship. Maybe it’s not who you are or you are not sure who you are. Again, investigate. Always investigate.
  • Little things matter. That goes for everything from taking the trash out to compliments to shutting up and listening.
  • Ask for what you need. Know when you need something or just want something. I need and want ice cream a lot.
  • Be wrong sometimes and ADMIT IT. My husband will laugh in my face when he reads this one.
  • Prioritize fun and peacefulness with equal vigor. Enjoy couch time as much as vacationing in Belize.
  • Make some, not all, decisions together. Talk things through with your partner, that’s what’s great about having someone there. Really consider their input. You chose this person for a reason.
  • Apologize. 
  • Know that you often don’t know anything, and no one else does either. Including me.
  • Share this blog with those who need it. 

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3 Real Tips For Making This Year (or any year) Suck Less

It’s just after 5:00pm in New York City on the first day of 2013 and if you’ve turned on your television, checked your emails, gone online or been to a store today you’ve already heard about people making resolutions or received offers for things to help you with yours. My gmail contained discounts on workout clothes, gym memberships, etc. My Facebook stream was full of declarations, jokes, and questions asking about resolutions. I was even quoted in an article about this topic completely by surprise today! So, I figured, it’s about time I give you my not-a-guru take on it all. It’s full of my usual blatant honesty. Poke fun at me.

I prepared southern slow cooker pork tenderloin and baked brown butter toffee chocolate chip cookies today and I’m making sauteed kale and spinach later to go with it. True story. If you’re like me, you’re not really all that domestic. Er, okay…I just hate cooking. I live in a city and browsing seamless web for takeout options is my equivalent of searching a cookbook for recipes. I do cook (not as often as I should) and bake (for some reason, only near the holidays) but yet I don’t find a lot of bliss or enjoyment in it. Sometimes I burn things. Sometimes I curse. However, I usually feel quite accomplished afterwards and there is a certain real joy in that. I’m patting myself on the back over the stove, and suddenly…what is this…I’m smiling?!

So, before you all fall asleep reading the lead up to this first tip, here it is: Do something that makes you feel accomplished. Saying you want to be happier, feel joy or find “happiness” this year is just too damn vague. (There I go with the cursing again). Try knocking things off your to do list, starting a project, destroying mundane tasks that needed to get done 6 months ago, or learning something new that may or may not bore you to the brink of insanity and then…boom! There is a good chance joy will find you just when you’re finally feelin’ proud of yourself. If not, at least you’ve got pork and cookies.

Second tip: Ignore everyone. You just have to. You must tune out the endless stream of chatter that’s coming your way every day from every one. I was having a conversation with a friend of a friend once and somehow we got on weight loss (ugh) and she said to me, “Oh my God, it is SO easy to lose 10 pounds, it really really is.” Even though I liked her hair I wanted to punch her in the face. It doesn’t matter if what people say to you is true or not, you just have to disconnect some times. How is up to you. Read, meditate, nap,  write “Today is awesome and I’m so pretty” over and over on a sheet of paper if you have to. (What? I’ve always never done that.) Whatever you do, just tune every one out for a while and see how much better you’ll feel almost instantly. This tip is like magic.

For the third and final tip, let’s get even more simple. Stop being so selfish. Yes, you. Even the most warm, giving, altruistic person usually leaves someone out. That person is usually themselves. If you help people all the time (this can be as simple as opening doors for strangers, picking up something someone dropped and giving directions to volunteering in shelters and joining the Peace Corps – you saints!) then you may be neglecting yourself a bit. How to fix this? Example: Listen to everyone’s woes? Find someone to tell yours to. The end. If you don’t frequently help your friends, family or strangers but do focus on yourself, maybe it’s time you give a little more of your goodness away. We’re pretty infinite and there is enough time in the day to send a kind text or tell one of your oldest friends how funny, gorgeous, wise and talented you think they are. (Eh hem. *cough cough*) It doesn’t take a scientific study to explain that you’ll feel good when you help someone else feel good. Do it.

I hope you’re feeling more hopeful about 2013 already. If not, here is a photo of me and Jason B.  performing as The Parodivas and pretending to be The Grumpy Cat and Friend. Comment, tweet and share this entry if you’re digging these tips, or at least this photo, as much as I am.

Grumpy Cat, Nailed it!

8 Things That Are Just Fine With Me

I am giving myself permission to live the life I want to live. Take a look at my list of things that are just fine in my not-a-guru humble opinion, and feel free to add to it in the comments below.

1 – It’s just fine if you don’t leave the house or even get dressed on your day off. Order chicken tikka masala for dinner and watch The Amanda’s on the Style Network. (Ya know, or something like that…*clears throat*) It’s just fine that you won’t see or talk to anyone… except maybe baby-speak to your cat.

2 – It’s just fine if you send everyone to voicemail on your cell phone. You’re awkward on the phone. You never know how to hang up. You get butterflies in your stomach and pace back and forth in your apartment the whole time you’re on a call. It’s just fine. Don’t do this for obvious emergencies, your boss, or when your Grandfather calls though, those are rare and important occasions where it might not be fine.

3 – It’s just fine to be selfish if you admit it and learn from it. “I’m not hanging out with you because I’m all about myself right now. I will be a better person when this phase is over.” Deal. Fine with me! Text me when you’re coming back to brunch.

4 – It’s just fine not to commit to things that make you feel nervous or unhappy. You hate horror movies but everyone is going Friday night? You hate doing shots but the bartender gave you two free ones? Everyone is taking their kid to the new Mommy & Me Bikram class and you’d rather shave your head? Just say no, it’s fine. There is only so much time in life and you don’t have to spend it doing things you don’t like.

5 – It’s just fine to try new things and fail after telling everyone all about them. I’M GOING TO PAINT MURALS! I’M TAKING UP FLAMENCO DANCING! I’M MAKING MY OWN TOOTHPASTE NOW! Whatever it is, try it and share it with your groupies. It’s OK to be excited about something even if it doesn’t work out. If anyone gives you a hard time about it, first, question whether or not they’re truly a good friend, and second, remind them that you try new things and that makes you an adventurous person. “Top that!” – Teen Witch, 1989

6 – It’s just fine to care a lot about your money and be thrifty and careful with it. I’m a little bit cheap too, I admit that. However, I’m currently really proud of myself for getting close to paying off some long-standing large debts, little by little. I think it’s just fine if I check my bank accounts constantly to remind myself of my progress. Go me!

7 – It’s just fine if you are sometimes not the…uh…nicest person. Snarky Facebook comment? Bitchy comment to your unsuspecting partner/soul mate/one-night-stand over morning coffee? It happens. Just apologize and move on.  Pretending you weren’t mean or rude is…well, not as fine.

8 – It’s just fine if you grow up and realize you have some forgiving to do. Either for yourself, your family or friends and people in your past. You can do it. It’s never too late to let go of the thoughts and memories that no longer serve you on your path to awesome. “Relax, relate, release!” – A Different World

Now tell me, what is just fine according to YOU? Comment below!

Let’s Start Talking About It

Sometimes everything is just not ok. You’re going through something tough, have been recently hurt or disappointed, or just feel angry or alone. However, you don’t want to seem ungrateful for the good things in your life, it’s not all doom and gloom. Maybe you’ve got a stellar best friend, a steady paycheck or a pint of your favorite ice cream in the freezer.  Maybe you had enough cash for a new shirt and you were complimented by a stranger. You may have so many things, big and small, to be utterly grateful for that you can’t count them all on your fingers and toes, but still have just as many reasons to feel down. To worry. To be upset. To find yourself depressed.

Up’s and down’s. That’s life, right? Or, is it? The life that I often see around me tends to be wildly exaggerated one way or the other. Folks are either spewing sunshine like they’ve never seen a grey cloud or crying out for help to heal the pain. Everything in the middle seems to get lost or kept quiet. It’s hard to be subtle with our feelings, so when you’re in between the good and the bad, maybe you just don’t know what to say or who to say it to. You might not want to worry your family, trouble your friends or spend that extra hour with your therapist. Maybe you’re just like me.

So, here’s what I’m doing about it.

I’m telling you, yes you, right now: I am not always ok. I’m not abundantly happy right at this exact moment. My list of things to be grateful for is growing by the minute – and you’d never guess anything was wrong by my Facebook and Twitter feeds. But at the same time, I’ve got my reasons to be sad. No reason is too big or too small here. I’m telling you like this because this is the iamnotyourguru blog, where imperfection is celebrated and honesty is everything.

I am now inviting you to tell me. You can be anonymous, or not, and say anything you want about what is bringing you down or what you’d like to change. It can be anything, and I’ll respond. Why? Because you’re going to be helping me too. You’ll be showing me that I am not alone, and that it’s courageous, not crazy, to set up a blog dedicated to complaining and airing your worries. A blog entry where it’s ok to vent, to not be strong, to not share your light. A blog that is not about how wonderful life can be if we allow love in or find gratitude. I, for one, am full of love and gratitude enough already, but I still cry sometimes.

There it is. I hope you’re with me. 

Photo Credit Unknown

The Year is Ending, Let’s (Not) Panic!

2011 is coming to an end and the holiday season is in full swing. I have a very “get with it, get into it or get over it” mentality this time of year and I’ve put together a list of things where I plan to do just that…little by little, one day at a time. Pick and choose your favorites and let’s do this. We’re all in this together…

Get With It: 

  • Getting older. I’m in my 30’s, and I’m actually quite relieved about it. People have started to expect me to be smart and thoughtful, rather than snarky and dramatic. This is good for me, because I am smart and thoughtful and I’m glad I’ve reached an age where this is in vogue. Dependable is the new black. I’ve also grown into my fierce eyebrows, finally.
  • Exercise. Don’t groan or sigh at me on this one. I love shaking my ass and I sleep like a baby after sweating in zumba class like underpaid Santa’s sweat in crowded shopping malls. I have to make this a higher priority, or at least place it above “catch up on the DVR” on my to-do list.
  • Sleep. Yep, in my 30’s. My bed is now my baby daddy and I’ll only cheat on him with pillow-top king beds in Mexican resorts. My under-eye dark circles were never a good look, anyway.
  • Eating healthier. This basically means I will try my hardest not to poison myself with fast food or other things that I know actually make me sick, despite what they also do to my waist line.

Get Into It:

  • Organization. I can barely find a pair of matching socks in the morning, let alone the check book once a month for rent. I’m lucky my husband is a moving-talking-live-person, or I’d lose him in this apartment. Oddly, my office space is pristine. I guess that means I like to keep my crazy private, but it’s time for a change.
  • Hobbies. I need more things to do with my free time (when I’m not running around town being famous) other than eating or happy hours. It’s going to be cold for another few months, so I am thinking: reading, more zumba, and possibly baking or some sort of craft that does not involve yarn. Suggestions welcome.
  • Happiness. My smile is way prettier than my frown. Period. End of sentence.

Get Over It: 

  • Holiday pressure. The pressure to: entertain, attend a million parties, bake, clean, visit every family member ever and shop, shop, shop. Just stop. If any of those things make you unhappy or you can’t afford them/don’t have the time this year, choose another option. I am choosing: a few thoughtful gifts that I can afford for my family, donating gifts to toy drives for lil’ ones, paying off debt and paving a less stressful 2012 when it comes to money with my husband and I’m not going to set foot in anyone’s house or any store that I’m not excited about.
  • Attention seeking. I will not make everything about me. I will not create drama. I will gossip less. You can all stop looking at me now. Repeat.
  • #1 Daughter, Wife, Sister & Friend syndrome. My family and friendships are so important to me that I let them stress me out. I want to be there for everyone in every moment and that’s just not possible. I’m a better daughter/wife/sister/friend if I take care of myself first and therefore, require less from the people that love me. I have a big ol’ open heart and I’m not ashamed to admit it. I will also not be ashamed to admit when I need some time to myself.

What are YOU getting with, getting into, or getting over? Please share your thoughts below and share this post with other folks who may be panicking right up until the ball drops. Happiest of Holidays to you!

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photo credit: themetapicture.com

This Idea Changed My Life

It’s been a while since I’ve written. Now that I’ve acknowledged that, let’s move forward. I’ve had this blog post in my brain for months and was waiting for the right time to assemble the words into a post.

We all go through…a lot. Recently, my home of NYC has seen tremors from an earthquake, faced the threat of a hurricane, 9/11 anniversary terror threats, and (of course) more. Not to mention, personally, some of my family and friends are experiencing difficult, painful, life events. I am sure that some of your friends and family are too. Maybe you know someone who is currently in a lot of physical or emotional pain. It’s possible that even you are, while reading this right now.

Years ago, in my training to become a certified rape crisis counselor in NYC hospital emergency rooms, I learned something that changed my life. It seems almost simple to me now, but at the time, I had never before even considered it. Here it is:

No one person’s pain is any larger or smaller than anyone else’s. You cannot compare your pain to someone else’s. If someone hurts, they hurt. It is not your job to tell them how much they should hurt, or for how long. 

In counseling we were taught this so that we would never compare. To tell a scared, confused, recently assaulted patient something along the lines of, “Oh yea? Well, you should have seen my case last week. She was in much worse shape than you are” to make them “feel better” is really one of the worst things anyone can do. That might seem completely obvious, but you’d be surprised how very common it is to have that reaction, especially if you feel like you can relate to what someone is going through. We were taught not to minimize anyone else’s experience or try to make them see that other people have gone through “worse.” That information isn’t always true, first of all, because you don’t always know someone’s complete history. Something you might find trivial because of your life experience might seem like the literal “end of the world” to someone else. Secondly, we all experience and process things differently. I can’t measure or predict how badly you might feel when you believe your world is falling apart. I can, however, sympathize.

This idea really changed my life. I stopped my very human reaction to convince someone they would be ok, or that things aren’t nearly as bad as they feel they are. I stopped telling stories about how things could be much worse. I’m not always perfect in this, but I think it has strengthened a lot of my relationships and it certainly was a vital thing to remember in the ER in the middle of the night.

Personally, I find the level of tolerance my family and friends have for pain and emergencies to be remarkably high. But that is just my opinion. I feel like I know a lot of strong individuals, whether they realize it or not. You might feel this way about the people in your life, or not. We’ve all thought once or twice that someone needed to “buck up” or “pull it together.” That’s ok, too. It’s so easy to want everyone to see that things will eventually be ok, when you really believe they will. Everybody hurts, right? Right. Just sometimes, in very different ways.

Thoughts? Leave ’em below.

“I am really, really scared right now!”

That is what my smart, beautiful, and down-right wonderful niece said to me this past weekend as we stood in line for her first adult roller coaster. She is 10 years old. She just barely made the height requirement for the larger coasters and the ones with loops and corkscrews. That is a good or bad thing depending on how you look at it, but I knew she would be safe with me as I flashed a pleading look toward the obviously bored ride attendants as they measured her. She was terrified, rightfully so, but she still got on.

I told her that if she felt like crying, just to scream instead because screaming on rides was 100% OK and that way she could let it all out faster. I promised that (even though would stand in line forever) before we knew it the ride would be over. Who can turn down permission to scream your head off? Turns out, she was a pro. She even worked up to keeping her eyes open and loved hanging upside down for the brief loops while going somewhere around 85mph. Having been a lover of roller coasters and frequent Six Flags Great Adventure ticket-holder in my youth, I was ridiculously proud.

In line for an even scarier ride there was a young girl pleading with her older sisters in front of us, “I don’t feel well! Don’t make me do this! I don’t want to go on this ride!” and they were mocking her in return, “Too late, you’re already this far in line, you’re just SCARED! Don’t be SCARED! Why are you so SCARED?!”  We were both watching this, and I leaned down to my niece and whispered in her ear:

“Ya know what I think? I think that it’s OK to be scared. Some things in life are scary. But if you’re scared now, it means you are about to do something really brave…and there is nothing better than being brave!”

As the words were coming out of my mouth, I realized that I also needed to hear them. I have big dreams. I don’t dream small. If I want to make my own dreams come true I am certainly going to have to be brave. The thing is, I think sometimes we’re hard on ourselves for feeling fear. Note: If fear is causing you to stay in bed all day watching DVR’d HGTV shows and eating Tostitos with lime until your tongue goes raw, you should re-visit the idea of anti-anxiety meds before proceeding. However, if you have the kind of fear I do, the kind that exists simply to show you just how much you really want something, than you’re likely about to do something fabulously brave. And really, what’s better than being brave?

You may wait forever, but before you know it...the ride is over. So, buckle up and let's go.

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